so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
