Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
