Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
