Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
