dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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