i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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