I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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