His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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