U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
