I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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