My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
