why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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