pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
