After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
