So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
