I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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