if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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