Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
