Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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