you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
