definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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