i think i have two assholes
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
