dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
