Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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