i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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