it was like eating out sand paper
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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