He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
