i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
