Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
