margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
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