which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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