I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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