Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
