the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
