Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
