I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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