I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
