is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
