You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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