we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize