Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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