we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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