Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
