apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
