I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
