Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
