Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize