what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
