i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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