Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
it glows. i had to have it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We had to coat check the pizza.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
