so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
