your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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