How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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