now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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