I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
