you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
