Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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