What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
