If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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