I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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