it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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