i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
