Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
