If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
