I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
