omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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