he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
