i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
