She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
