OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
