Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
