I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize